Hate-Watching the Oscars
For the first time in years, I watched the full broadcast. My thoughts on the fashion, the winners, and more.
The Oscars used to be my Super Bowl. Every year, at 4 p.m., long before any of the stars had even arrived on the red carpet, I’d turn on E! and watch Joan and Melissa Rivers gab about which designer Julia Roberts would be wearing or which actor was still reeling from being snubbed by the Academy.
But then I got a little older and slightly bitterer, and the whole thing became so ridiculous, all of these out-of-touch narcissists congratulating themselves for their “brave” performances while lecturing America about how to think and who to vote for. I just couldn’t stomach it anymore.
That is, until a couple years ago, when Will Smith slapped Chris Rock. Twenty minutes later, after Smith was announced the Best Actor winner, everybody whooped and cheered like something totally batshit crazy hadn’t just occurred, and I thought, Good God, these people are the absolute worst.
So I started watching the Oscars again. Well, rather, I started hate-watching the Oscars. And it’s been fun!
First, this year’s fashion. Some of the best dressed women, I thought, were Brittany Snow, Jennifer Lawrence, and Eva Langoria. And Zendaya looked flawless. I wasn’t obsessed with the print of the dress, but I loved the color and the silhouette. And her hair! Perfection. I really liked Lawrence’s polkadots, too.
Emily Blunt and John Krasinski were what Clueless’s Cher Horowitz would call “a full-on Monet.” That is, “from far way, it’s OK, but up close, it’s a big old mess.”
What was with the shoulder straps that didn’t touch Emily’s shoulders? And why did John wear black shoes with that tux?
Taylor Zakhar Perez starred in the gay rom-com Red, White & Royal Blue. I tried to watch it last summer, but, like all gay rom-coms, it was terrible. Although Perez is beautiful, and he looked gorgeous last night. He, Bradley Cooper, and Dwayne Wade were, I thought, some of the best-dressed guys.
Teo Yoo, from Past Lives (a good but overrated Best Picture nom), looked decent in Louis Vuitton, but the jacket was too boxy. Although, he did earn extra points for that turtle-shaped brooch, which, get this, he reportedly wore in memory of his late turtle, Momo.
Erika Alexander’s Christian Siriano dress was so terrible, I had to tweet about it. In fact, as I was composing my tweet, I recalled composing a similar tweet a couple years ago about how horrible Siriano’s designs are, but I didn’t publish it because I thought it would be too mean.
Last night, after I saw Alexander’s dress, I thought, OK, it’s time.
Enough about the fashion. On to the show.
Jimmy Kimmel did well as the host. I was so glad he limited his Trump jokes to just one, and that it came somewhat late in the show. (I’m not a fan of Trump, but in 2024, what’s lazier than a Trump joke?) And kudos to Kimmel for his outstanding pun about Poor Things director Yorgos Lanthimos. He said something like, “Who will win? Yorgos is as good as mine.” I laughed.
Production tried something new this year. For the acting awards, they brought out five past winners to gush about this year’s nominees and their performances. I enjoyed seeing the past winners, like Sally Field, Jessica Lange, and Ben Kingsley, but it didn’t work for me. It dragged on way too long, for one. And second, it was just so cringey, hearing them fawn over the actors, as if they had cured AIDS. It reminded me of that old SNL bit, when Will Ferrell played the Inside the Actors Studio host, James Lipton. If Ferrell (as Lipton) was interviewing, say, Gwyneth Paltrow, he’d spout something ridiculous like, “Gwyneth, you are so magnificent, looking at you is like looking into the face of God.” It was funny on SNL, but at the Oscars, I could barely look at the screen.
I could feel myself blushing again when the audience gave a standing ovation after a group of Native Americans performed a song and drum ceremony in honor of Killers of the Flower Moon. I don’t know, maybe I’ve spent too much time in academia, where classes start with land acknowledgments and students tweet about decolonization from their thousand-dollar iPhones. But it’s just so fucking pretentious! These Hollywood people could not be further from a reservation!
Well, besides the actors from Killers of the Flower Moon, I guess.
Another uncomfortable moment was when director Jonathan Glazer, who won the Best International Film Oscar for The Zone of Interest, concluded his acceptance speech by saying, “We stand here as men who refute their Jewishness and the Holocaust being hijacked by an occupation which has led to conflict for so many innocent people.” While Glazer’s word choice was weird, after a closer reading I don’t think he was saying he refutes his Jewishness, but rather he refutes—or resents—his Jewishness and the Holocaust being used (“hijacked”) to justify Israel’s actions in Gaza and the West Bank. Though I could be wrong. Either way, the whole thing is tragic, both what happened in Israel on October 7th and what’s currently happening in Gaza. But any calls for a ceasefire in Gaza that don’t include calls for the immediate release of the Israeli and American hostages are shameful. Also, Hamas is a terrorist organization.
Subject change: Am I a total hater, or was Ryan Gosling’s performance of the Best Song nominee “I’m Just Ken” kind of basic? I was told the men would be shirtless.
Also, I am so ready for Barbie to be relegated to the dustbin of history, where it belongs.
Some more drama: Sally Field had, er, an interesting choice of words when she talked about Emma Stone’s performance in Poor Things. For those who don’t know, Poor Things is about a pregnant woman who kills herself. After her body is discovered, her baby turns out to still be alive, so a mad scientist takes the baby’s brain and puts it into the mother to bring her back to life. The rest of the film is a coming-of-age story about the resurrected woman, Bella Baxter (Stone). The weird thing is, Bella’s “coming of age” is mostly a sexual awakening, where she becomes a total sex fiend and a prostitute. In the movie, Stone acts like a little girl the whole time, which is, needless to say, really creepy.
Anyway, online, the film got a lot of backlash—mainly from conservatives, feminists, and the conspiracy theorists who think that all of Hollywood is one big pedo ring. Which brings me back to Sally Field. About Stone’s performance, Field said, “Curious as a puppy and hungry as a bear, Emma Stone’s brilliant Bella is unhinged, uninhibited, and completely original. With the fearlessness of a toddler she awkwardly steps into the world, awakening into her body and the sensations of being alive without boundaries.”
The fearlessness of a toddler.
Awakening into her body.
Sensations of being alive without boundaries.
I’m sure that did a lot to squash the conspiracy theories.
What I most appreciated about this year’s telecast was its earlier start time. It began at 7 p.m. rather than 8, which meant it ended earlier, too. Stone won Best Actress for Poor Things (her second Best Actress win; her first was for La La Land in 2017). Cillian Murphy won Best Actor for Oppenheimer, and the supporting acting Oscars went to Da’Vine Joy Randolph for The Hangovers and Robert Downey, Jr., for Oppenheimer.
Oppenheimer went on to win Best Director (Christopher Nolan) and Best Picture, too. I liked Oppenheimer, though I don’t ever need to see it again. My fave, I think, was The Zone of Interest, which was without a doubt one of the most chilling movies I’ve ever seen.
Alright, that’s about it. Let me know in the comments if you hate-watched the Oscars, too, and whether or not you agree with my fashion takes. Or anything else!
And thank you for reading this random post that kept me up until 3 a.m.!
P.S. My book is almost finished! It will come out in hardcover first, and my publisher is planning on an early 2025 publication date. Thank you so much for your patience! It turns out that writing a memoir takes a while. Who knew?
I enjoyed this post, thanks! Your fashion judgments are all 100% correct, but please come back and say something about the Ariana Grande puff piece! It really shouldn't go unscathed, IMHO.
Yes!! Completely out of touch. I criticized both parties during the Native American performance, which didn’t feel great..
I’m also getting to the point where the “Oscar buzz” has me resenting a great movie as I’m watching it for the first time.