I grew up in a rigidly Mormon household, left the church, and felt the same kind of sickening recognition when I attended graduate school 10 years later. Theoretically, I was learning to teach, but what I really did was pay about $35,000 to deconstruct my own privilege. Towards the end of the program, I did start speaking up and refusing assignments that I thought were truly bigoted or senseless, but I wish I had done it sooner, knowing what I know now. Thanks for writing about your experience.
I enjoyed your manifesto. It took courage to write and it is well written.
However, I'd like to give you some life advice. It may be too late given all you have been through but it is what I would tell my son if I read something he'd written and it sounded like your manifesto.
Please consider rejecting the impulse to use all your energy in an endless examination of your own navel. Many people have issues associated with their lives but aren't so captured by it that it becomes the focus of their lives. Go get a skill or degree in something that society wants. I always point people towards engineering because that degree can be fulfilling in many ways. If you are inclined to save the world you can go to a third world country and solve clean water problems that are serious health issue for instance. Or you can work in the private sector and make enough money to live a comfortable life and still contribute to meaningful charities. Another in-demand career for people who don't have the aptitude for engineering is accounting. This seems the dryest subject in the world but my observations suggest that the are many issues related to finance that are fundamental to improvement in the world. One of my favorite charities is The One Acre Fund https://oneacrefund.org/?gclid=CjwKCAiAwrf-BRA9EiwAUWwKXhHFin7mdJqqx3JdaI3adDYkS9J3tkiQe9JfLg5JcKPJGFbTGs73IBoCvXUQAvD_BwEwhich helps African small scale farmers increase productivity so they can feed themselves and have enough left over to send their kids to school. A big part of what they do is help farmers get access to loans that allow them to buy seeds on time to get crops going successfully. This is the first step in achieving predictable productivity that yields an increasing standard of living. Accountants are needed to develop and manage sources of funding for this activity. Or you can go to work for a private firm so you can make enough money to contribute to your favorite charity. Accountants work in huge firms and also local groups that do taxes for individuals or businesses so there are many ways to develop your career in this discipline.
You may ask why my advice is career centered. If you have an in-demand skill, your education and eventual work life becomes more about what you can do and less about who you are. If you are in a thermodynamics class the professor will not care at all about your personal life nor will you care about theirs. Similarly, the world will open up to you once you leave school because you are in-demand and your personal life will be your own and you can live your life as you see fit. Society today offers a broad array of acceptable lifestyles so the choice of how to be happy will be your own.
Frankly, I worry that your present path will only yield unhappiness. Because you want to explore what I see as personal issues within your education and career you will always be subject to the orthodoxy of a mob which demands uniform compliance. Fighting against that is stressful and frought with failure. Just look at the title of the courses you are taking. You are studying issues of personal development and understanding that should be the purview of the individual, not the mob. There are no governing laws or physics that define right and wrong (unless you subscribe to a particular religion, but that is another discussion) so there will never be resolution or agreement with a mob, only with yourself. The cult of the day will call you names to prove that your arguments are wrong. And I would say, why do paryticipate in this? These people are unproductive, rigidly orthodox as required by initiation into the cult so to my way of looking at the world they are lost souls - not the people you should be trying to please. And, most of their battles have already been won. Almost any lifestyle is acceptable in the modern western world. You can live any way you choose to pursue happiness.
I hope it is not too late. I hope you change course and pursue a path that may yield happiness as you define it. I fear your present course will only cause trauma.
There is so much truth here. Thank you for writing it and sharing it. The recognition that we are all on a journey of discovering truths about ourselves and the world, and learning how to live within that truth, is so crucial to the justice that so many profess to desire.
I grew up in a rigidly Mormon household, left the church, and felt the same kind of sickening recognition when I attended graduate school 10 years later. Theoretically, I was learning to teach, but what I really did was pay about $35,000 to deconstruct my own privilege. Towards the end of the program, I did start speaking up and refusing assignments that I thought were truly bigoted or senseless, but I wish I had done it sooner, knowing what I know now. Thanks for writing about your experience.
Wonderful writing! I think you would appreciate the book I am about to publish. https://howtounderstandeverything.beakbane.com/. (ignore the pompous title)
Ben,
I enjoyed your manifesto. It took courage to write and it is well written.
However, I'd like to give you some life advice. It may be too late given all you have been through but it is what I would tell my son if I read something he'd written and it sounded like your manifesto.
Please consider rejecting the impulse to use all your energy in an endless examination of your own navel. Many people have issues associated with their lives but aren't so captured by it that it becomes the focus of their lives. Go get a skill or degree in something that society wants. I always point people towards engineering because that degree can be fulfilling in many ways. If you are inclined to save the world you can go to a third world country and solve clean water problems that are serious health issue for instance. Or you can work in the private sector and make enough money to live a comfortable life and still contribute to meaningful charities. Another in-demand career for people who don't have the aptitude for engineering is accounting. This seems the dryest subject in the world but my observations suggest that the are many issues related to finance that are fundamental to improvement in the world. One of my favorite charities is The One Acre Fund https://oneacrefund.org/?gclid=CjwKCAiAwrf-BRA9EiwAUWwKXhHFin7mdJqqx3JdaI3adDYkS9J3tkiQe9JfLg5JcKPJGFbTGs73IBoCvXUQAvD_BwEwhich helps African small scale farmers increase productivity so they can feed themselves and have enough left over to send their kids to school. A big part of what they do is help farmers get access to loans that allow them to buy seeds on time to get crops going successfully. This is the first step in achieving predictable productivity that yields an increasing standard of living. Accountants are needed to develop and manage sources of funding for this activity. Or you can go to work for a private firm so you can make enough money to contribute to your favorite charity. Accountants work in huge firms and also local groups that do taxes for individuals or businesses so there are many ways to develop your career in this discipline.
You may ask why my advice is career centered. If you have an in-demand skill, your education and eventual work life becomes more about what you can do and less about who you are. If you are in a thermodynamics class the professor will not care at all about your personal life nor will you care about theirs. Similarly, the world will open up to you once you leave school because you are in-demand and your personal life will be your own and you can live your life as you see fit. Society today offers a broad array of acceptable lifestyles so the choice of how to be happy will be your own.
Frankly, I worry that your present path will only yield unhappiness. Because you want to explore what I see as personal issues within your education and career you will always be subject to the orthodoxy of a mob which demands uniform compliance. Fighting against that is stressful and frought with failure. Just look at the title of the courses you are taking. You are studying issues of personal development and understanding that should be the purview of the individual, not the mob. There are no governing laws or physics that define right and wrong (unless you subscribe to a particular religion, but that is another discussion) so there will never be resolution or agreement with a mob, only with yourself. The cult of the day will call you names to prove that your arguments are wrong. And I would say, why do paryticipate in this? These people are unproductive, rigidly orthodox as required by initiation into the cult so to my way of looking at the world they are lost souls - not the people you should be trying to please. And, most of their battles have already been won. Almost any lifestyle is acceptable in the modern western world. You can live any way you choose to pursue happiness.
I hope it is not too late. I hope you change course and pursue a path that may yield happiness as you define it. I fear your present course will only cause trauma.
Steve
There is so much truth here. Thank you for writing it and sharing it. The recognition that we are all on a journey of discovering truths about ourselves and the world, and learning how to live within that truth, is so crucial to the justice that so many profess to desire.